Wrote this yesterday, right after taking the darned entrance exam:

Tapos na ang UPCAT, but somehow I'm finding it hard to have that sink in... especially since I think I just screwed up my chances of getting into U.P. And the thing is, it was supposed to be a relatively EASY EXAM, which I STILL managed not to finish. Argh, if missed any more questions, I'd really have more blanks than correct answers. God, I'm just really disappointed with myself right now. I really don't know if I still have any chances of passing at this point.

Grabe... dalawang beses na akong pinaiyak ng UPCAT. Last night, my brother kept on mentioning so many things and formulas I didn't know about until it came to a point when I realized how little I knew. I hadn't memorized ANYTHING from my previous HS lessons... no formulas, processes, no anything. Masyado akong nagpadala sa mga sinasabing IQ Test lang ang UPCAT. But I didn't realize that the last thing I needed here was complacency… and then I just broke down from all the tension. I swear, I didn't know what do anymore. I hadn't studied and I was intimidated by the thought of having to cram (in the most irresponsible way) 4 years of highschool in one night... when that one night was supposed to be spent relaxing in preparation for the exam.

And the second time was just today. I called my mom up and told her about how the whole thing went and then I cried again. Good Lord, I feel so weak thinking about it. But I had to let it out already, because I was really disappointed with how the exam went. How can you not be disappointed if you didn't even finish HALF of the math part? At eto pa, seryosong na-enjoy ko ang math section ng UPCAT. It was my favorite part of the exam because I enjoyed going back to all those algebra-problem solving days. It's just ironic that the part I liked the most was the part I would be regretting taking too much time on in the end.

I feel really stupid right now. I ended the exam seriously wishing that I was about to literally wake up from a bad dream, just to know that I could do the whole exam all over again.

Ewan ko na. I hate this. I guess it's up to God now. Bahala na.... let it be.

Please help me get up, Lord. Masakit pong madapa.

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The whole thing was just really frustrating, but attending Sunday mass a while ago reminded me of something very important. The priest said in his homily that there were two steps to obtaining something you want, even in seemingly hopeless cases: 1)Pray, and 2)Have faith. That really brought my perspective up to a more positive level... and it made me realize how little I was giving God importance in all of this.

From now on, I SHALL PASS.... only if God wants me to.